My Heart's Not Frozen
by life among the dead
Summary: When Carlos is starting to feel unwanted and hurt, who else could comfort him? Heavily implied Benlos. SLASH


Carlos was usually trying to fit everyone into his schedule to help with anything he could. So when they stopped needing or wanting his help, he was confused and hurt.

It started with Jay, Carlos always helped him with homework or style, everything basically. Then Jay started attempting things on his own, refusing for help, and not offering help to Carlos in return for everything he did. He wouldn't practice tourney with him or invite him to jog in the morning. It was getting to Carlos's head. At first, he felt useless, but decided to leave it for a while. This only made the situation worse. Jay would ask him to leave the room when wanting to concentrate or throw pillows at his roommate when Carlos was up inventing or snoring. He kept insisting that the other boy was making too much noise or was being distracting. He slowly spent more time in the library, trying to be as convenient and helpful as possible towards Jay. Soon enough, they barely said hi to each other, when they woke up.

Carlos thought Evie would be the last person on earth to push him away, but once people started coming to her for fashion and makeup help (and paying for outfits or special event makeup) her work and school work were taking up all her time. Occasionally, even Mal couldn't get a word in. All he wanted to do was sit in the room with her or watch a movie to help relieve her stress, but to no avail. Evie had let him help sometimes, he'd organize appointments in her book and sew some small things, arrange the makeup so everything was easy to find. She was grateful of course, but puzzled as to why Carlos was spending so much time with her. He had explained the Jay thing, but felt bad when telling her friend that she needed space too. He put more hours in at the library to avoid the two.

Mal was almost relieved when Carlos stuck by her side, until she wasn't. She loved having him around to do little things, which she returned to favor, of course. They studied together and she would sketch designs for his inventions. It was perfect and Carlos was incredibly happy for someone to finally want his help. He felt lost without at least one person telling him what to do. Even if Mal had a temper sometimes, he almost calmed her, sometimes. Carlos slipped a couple of times, no big deal, but the third time, Mal yelled. It was just them in her room, so he didn't care if he cried or not, but his stomach sank, eyes watering at the edge. Carlos didn't like feeling useless or left out and that's all he felt right about now. Mal murmured a "Sorry" and sent him out of the room. He practically had to be pulled out of seat in the library when it hit curfew.

Ben made it his personal mission when he noticed Carlos with his head down more, spending all of his time alone in the library, he got worried. Carlos had become much more vulnerable, visibly shaking when something scared him, bags under his eyes and always on the verge of tears. He even yelped a few times when Dude got near him, though apologizing to the mutt after. The point is, he was jumpy, terrified, and most importantly sad.

Carlos was sitting in his usual chair at his usual table in the library with a book in front of him. It was Saturday, so he had finished his homework last night, in the same spot he was in now. He didn't lift his head when Ben sat in front of him, just jumped in his seat, sighing to himself. He managed to stammer out a "H-h-hi" and wiped his eyes, looking up slightly with a weak smile. The king felt awful, frowning at his friend

"Carlos, are you alright? You look awful. Did something happen?" He said, concerned and holding a hand out for him to hold on to, in case he wanted comfort. The boy across the table glanced at his hand and then back at Ben, shaking his head.

"I-I'm totally, totally f-f-fine. No, no need to worry." He stuttered, fidgeting a little. Carlos cleared his throat and rested his hands in his lap, keeping his head down, trying his best to stay still. He hated everyone seeing him like this, messed up and depressed, especially Ben. What was worse was that the library was public and he couldn't be in the comfort of privacy. He had tried hiding in his room some days when the library was closed, but Jay would yell or be rude, claiming he needed to be alone to focus. It was bad, gotten to the point where he would hide in the closet before Jay got back, so he wouldn't know he was there (sometimes he'd sneeze or knock something over, then Jay would scold him, then place him outside) or sit outside the library door with his knees to his chest, shaking and wondering when the librarian would come by to open it again. He was snapped back to reality when Ben said his name.

"Carlos," he began,"Why don't you come to my room for a little? Take a nap or something, anything. I know you're not allowed to sleep in here or you'll get kicked out and honestly, you look exhausted, buddy." He told him softly, standing up and offering his hand again. Carlos nodded, grabbing his bag and his book, not refusing anything Ben offered.

Ben opened the door, gently leading Carlos in. He looked around, smiling very faintly at the bed, going over to where it was, in the middle of the room. He put his stuff neatly on the floor, not sitting or laying down. The king made his way over and sat, keeping an eye on Carlos.

"C-can I sit, please?" He squeaked out weakly, not making eye contact with his hand folded in front of him. Ben agreed softly, pulling the covers down.

"You can lay down, if you'd like. When was the last time you slept? Or ate?" He questioned, wanting to make sure his buddy was doing okay. He shrugged.

"You can't sleep or eat in the library and I've been there pretty much everyday for a long while." He admitted, crossing his arms over his stomach.

"I-I'll be fine, don't worry. I don't want to cause any trouble or anything." He added, bringing his knees to his chest, that had become a pretty common position for when he was waiting to be allowed back in somewhere. Ben sighed heavily and pulled the blanket around himself, then cuddled up to Carlos, wrapping the fabric around him as well.

"Do you want to tell me what's been going on? Like why you've been in the library and not being that, you know, aware of what's happening, or too aware?" He said with concern, ready to listen.

He shivered, leaning in towards Ben "J-Jay," he shuddered, "H-he started like not wanting me to help with things and he would say he needed, he needed to be alone, to concentrate and stuff. So, I left him alone and, and starting staying in the girls' room during the day, with Evie. But she's been so, so busy w-with her clothes and makeup and all that and I helped, but then she didn't want it anymore, wanted to be alone." He explained, taking a breath and wiping his eyes to continue, happy that someone cared.

"And then I hung with Mal and we helped each other out, but I dropped things sometimes and, and didn't get some of the stuff she said, that was supposed to be funny, I-I guess. Then, then I messed up big time when helping with, with a s-s-spell. She yelled and said sorry super quietly before telling me to leave, so I did." He finished, now crying at the thoughts. Ben frowned and wrapped his own arms around Carlos, kissing his head.

"I'm so sorry, love." He whispered, rubbing his shoulder. He felt awful just hearing about this, what the other was going through must've been awful.

He sniffled, "I feel useless, Ben. Who am I, if I can't help anybody? I want someone to tell me what to do, but no one, no one wants to be around me. A-am I really that annoying?" He asked, sobbing a bit harder, burying his head in Ben's chest.

He held him tightly, "It's okay, I promise. You're not useless and you're not annoying. You just need a friend." He said, wanting to assure him of himself.

Carlos bit his lip, still not looking directly at him. "I-I haven't slept since Wednesday, I knocked out for two minutes in the library and begged to not be kicked out even though no one was telling me I had to leave. I cried, it was humiliating, I was a mess, I'm still a mess." He told Ben, wiping his nose and eyes. The taller boy laid down, pulling him closer, so they were cuddling, but could still talk. He knew his friend needed that.

"And eating?"

"I've been drinking water, but I don't remember the last time I ate. It might've been before the library opened on Wednesday or when it closed on Tuesday. I'm fine though. We used to go a long time without food on the island. You don't need to worry about me." He breathed, curling up, still feeling embarrassed by his actions.

"I don't blame you for being upset." Ben told him, smiling small when he yawned. He ran a hand through Carlos's hair, hearing his stomach rumble as well. "You need rest and food. And I'm gonna worry because you're my friend, I promise I won't make you upset. I'm going to help." He added when he was about to protest. They cuddled and fell asleep, both of them not waking up for at least four hours after, by then it was dinner time.

Ben had food sent to his room, perks of being a king, for him and Carlos. He was relieved when his crush began eating. It was slow at first, then fast, then he finished his food at a normal pace.

"Good?" Ben asked, smiling wide after Carlos nodded.

"Tasty." he answered, sitting back in the chair. But Ben almost fell out of his seat when "Can I count this as a date?" Came out of Carlos's mouth.

He nodded, while blushing furiously and couldn't hide his face. He was at peace when Carlos was laughing, even it was lightly and for a moment.

"Thanks, Ben. You made me feel a lot better, even if I still feel kind of icky. And, could I maybe stay in here tonight? I don't think I'm ready to see anyone else yet. Especially not my friends." He asked, then opened his mouth to beg when he didn't reply right away.

"Yes," Ben cut him off, "You can stay and any other night. And hey, if you wanna or don't wanna talk about it, I'm all ears." He smiled. So the two laid back down after a bit more conversation where Carlos provided more detail, letting a few more tears out. It was silent in the room when they cuddled each other, except for Carlos's snoring.


End file.
